Parenting Woes

The toughest job in the world is parenting and this I realized when last year I quit my job and opted to take a break from my professional life, so that I could spend more quality time with my daughter. Now that I’m back to working all the difficulties of balancing of professional and personal life are back.

As a working woman, I spend an average of 4 to 5 hours during the weekdays with my child, and the task that gets me most worked up is feeding dinner to her. When she was 2 years old, I had to employ all tactics that I was aware of to get her to eat few morsels of food. I used to take her outside and try to distract her with sounds and sights of nature (of course it was pitch dark so she was not so easily distracted), I tried to feed her while showing cartoons on TV, I threatened, bribed, begged-all my creative talents came to the fore in those 45 minutes and at the end of dinner time, it was like the end of a war. Sometimes won, sometimes lost.

Some practical mothers would advise me not to fuss too much over the child’s eating. Do not give options, do not create distractions, just put the plate in front of her and when she’s hungry , she will eat. That does sound too good in words but in reality-well, let’s just say that the food ended up everywhere in the house except in her mouth. And the end result? A cranky kid in the middle of the night demanding food. And a cranky mom in the office next day.

As a working mom, I can say that my biggest anxiety is how to provide her the required nutrition. How to get her to eat the veggies and fruits. My daughter is 4 years old now and fortunately she is not that fussy at dinnertime but she still refuses to eat vegetables. Also since we don’t eat non-vegetarian food, she is missing out on vital nutrients. In this competitive and fast modern world I don’t want my daughter to be left behind just because she is not eating proper food. She studies in Kinder Garten and the homework that she brings home every day make me wonder how I coped when I was her age.

I’m sure that most mothers would agree when I say that a major concern of every mother is the overall development of a child-both physically and intellectual growth. My daughter is at a vital age of development. She is physically active and she is curious about so many things that she sees. I realize this from the questions she asks-just the other day she asked me why fishes have fins and not hands and legs. I may not have the right answer every time for her questions but I can ensure that she receives proper nourishment to aid her growth.

Fortunately my daughter loves to drink milk and the essential vitamins she misses when she refuses to eat her veggies can be provided by health drinks like Horlicks Growth+ which help in weight gain in kids and support complete all round development. My daughter starts her day around 7.30 in the morning and I make sure that the first food she has, is a tall glass of milk fortified and made more appetizing by Horlicks. Her hours are similar to mine-she goes to school between 8 and 12 in the morning and then to her daycare. She comes home only at 7 in the evening.

When I’m in office I worry about her- if she’s eating well, if she gets along with her friends, if she can cope up with her studies and if she misses her home and mummy. So as I said in the beginning, parenting is tough, your kids can try your patience to no end, it can leave you frustrated and helpless at times. But when at night my daughter holds me tightly and goes to sleep, I feel that I can do the whole thing all again, I feel it’s all worth it.

The little things that keep my little one happy

‘How time flies’ I wonder looking at my 3 year old daughter talking nineteen to the dozen about the incidents that occurred in her school. Ever since she was just a year and half old baby she goes to daycare and contrary to the opinion that kids with working parents grow up to be spoilt brats, my daughter grew up to be a very cherubic and highly-spirited girl. She enjoys going to school and playing with other kids.

I think she has taken after her dad, because he is an extrovert and very outdoorsy person, preferring to roam around and meet his friends during his free time. I, on the other hand, love to curl up my feet at home with a hot cup of tea and a good book in hand. My daughter loves company and she can talk non-stop for several hours. Whenever a guest visits our house, my little one turns on her hyperactive mode, shifting into her perfect host avatar. She loves showing off her new toys and books and engaging them in conversation.

I always joke that we don’t need any form of entertainment in our house because our daughter provides it for us. She keeps us in splits with her antics. She also knows when my husband and I get angry and then she comes near us and gives us a kissy on the cheeks. She has become an expert at gauging our moods.  

My daughter Advika

So it’s extremely painful when I see my active daughter lying listlessly on the sofa whenever she falls ill. It’s difficult to confine her inside the house normally, but when she falls sick she looks so dull that it breaks my heart.

Although she may have not inherited my introvert nature, she goes after me in matters related to sleep. I love to sleep and in fact I possess this incredible ability to sleep at any time of the day or night. My daughter also loves to sleep but when she was a baby she used to wake up often during the night. My mother-in-law and my husband advised not to use diapers for her because they were scared of rashes or she getting used to diapers. As a result she used to wake up whenever she wet the bed and although we used rubber sheets to protect the bed linens, my daughter used to wake up because of the discomfort.

This happened for few months and I noticed that because of improper sleep and rest, she became cranky, dull and inactive. Her teacher in daycare also complained that she used to be drowsy throughout the day. She started eating less because of which her health started suffering.

That’s when I decided to try out the new Pampers pant style diapers that promised to keep the baby dry all through the night. I was happy when my daughter started sleeping soundly and woke up feeling dry and without any rashes. She was chirpy and got out of bed feeling fresh in the mornings. Soon she returned to her usual active self and I was very happy.

I think for any baby to grow into a healthy happy kid, proper rest, nutritious food and stimulating interaction and play are very vital.

Pampers Baby Dry Pants

Finding Strength in the Middle of a Storm #lookup

This incident occurred in the early months of the year 2007. My mother was soon to retire from her bank and I was busy and occupied in my new fledgling IT career that was going splendidly well. On one particularly warm night my mother asked me if I wanted to accompany her to drink tender coconut from the nearby shop. It was almost 8 o’clock and my mother’s night vision isn’t great, so I agreed to go along. My friend and I were continuously messaging each other on phone about office work and I was not really paying attention to where we were going.

On our way back, I took the short flight of steps leading down to our building and my mother took the small sloped driveway that had sand scattered over it. I was busy chatting with my friend when my mother slipped and fell hard on the cement pavement. It took me few seconds to realize what had happened. My mom had fallen on her back and since the landing was hard she must have broken some bones. She found it impossible to move because of the searing pain in her back.

Ever since I was a little child, whenever I saw my mom in pain or suffering due to injury my mind goes blank and I panic. I just cannot think straight. And that day too, when I saw my mother in tears, a cold terror gripped my heart. I ran inside our house and called out to my brother and we somehow managed to take her to the hospital. All through the ride my mother gritted her teeth in an attempt to bear the pain but assured us that she was fine.

When we reached the orthopedic doctor, he advised us to get a series of tests conducted after which he confirmed that my mother had fractured her backbone. What made things worse is my mother’s old age which made healing slow and her brittle bones that may have had a severe impact due to the fracture. He further warned us that if my mother did not undergo complete bed rest for the next 6 months, there was a danger of paralysis. My blood ran cold and I almost fainted listening to his words. I regretted for not taking care to see where my mother was walking. When we went on walks, I always reminded my mother to walk carefully or alerted her if there was a slippery area.

After reaching home my brothers and I realized the gravity of the situation. I didn’t have the necessary skills to manage a house or cook meals and I hadn’t really bothered to learn because my mother took care of us. Not only I had to cook, clean and look after the house but I also had to take care of my bedridden mother. We couldn’t afford to keep a full time nurse and a cook but our neighboring aunty offered to cook lunch for us for a paltry pay for the next few months.

I lost count of nights when I cried myself to sleep. It was difficult to see my normally active mother in bed with a cast around her waist. She took absence of leave from her bank and my brothers and I took turns to apply leave from office. In the beginning I was clueless about how to care for my mother or how to balance my office work and home. My poor brothers never complained once about eating overcooked dal or half burnt chapattis. After one particularly harrowing incident in kitchen I was ready to call it quits. My life was a mess because I couldn’t concentrate in office and at home I only thought about pending work and imminent deadlines. I cursed myself for my negligence and blamed myself for my mother’s injury. I was filled with negative thoughts and was on the brink of depression.

Then one day when I was at home, my mother called me to her bedside. She had tears in her eyes. I went into panic mode and asked her if she was in pain. She just took my hand and kissed it and thanked me for looking after her.

She said that she was sorry for what happened and she should have been careful about where she was walking. She said because of her mistake her children were suffering and she had to be dependent on them for every tiny little thing. She promised to get better soon; in fact she resolved to heal even before the doctor’s timeline of 6 months. She wanted to get better because she didn’t want to be a burden on us. She thanked me because I was looking after her like a child- feeding, bathing and even helping her in the toilet without uttering one word of complaint. And she said that she was proud and fortunate for having a daughter like me.

Needless to say we were both in tears and hugging hard like our lives depended on each other. And in a way it did. My mother’s words filled me with optimism about our dismal situation. I knew that I was doing best to my abilities to help my mother.

I prepared a schedule and got up early everyday so that I wouldn’t be in a hurry. Saturdays and Sundays I learnt cooking from a book that I bought. I helped my mother to take few steps everyday and spent some time with her talking or watching television. Gradually my mother’s injury healed and in 4 months she was walking around the house.

Even now my mother proudly recalls about the way I took complete care of her during those days. Only I know about how mentally weak I had become and how my mother’s kind word had filled me with optimism and hope for the future.  It had given me the strength to survive in the storm that had threatened to play havoc in our lives.

This post was written for Look Up Stories

The Journey Of A Single Woman

Everybody has an inspirational role model in their life; someone who inspires them to do better, a person who they look up to and wish that they could be more like them. For me, that person is my mother. I have blogged so many times about how my mother started working after my father’s death and raised me and my brothers. It was not an easy task but she stood tall during tough times and today all three of her children are well settled. I owe a lot to my mother who strived hard to provide the best possible education to me. She made sure that I realized the importance of financial independence for women, citing her own example.

Yet there were times when I felt that had my father been there for me, I would have faced less unpleasant incidents. Growing up, I realized on more than one occasion, that some men in our society think that just because a woman is without her husband/father/son she is vulnerable and easy prey and such men consider women as the weaker sex and without a male beside her she is fair game.

I remember this incident that happened when I was studying in 11^th. My brother and I were preparing for our exams in our home, when my mother returned from her bank in the afternoon with a visitor. She said that the gentleman with her was my father’s best friend when we were living in Bangalore and he was also a professor in college. He was visiting Mangalore for official purposes and he had some work in evening. Till then he would rest at our home. He seemed to be a jovial man and reminisced about the good times he had shared with my dad. He also offered to help me with my Mathematics syllabus since he was a professor on the same subject.

After my mother went back to her work he sat down with me to assist me in my studies. But he had a different agenda on his mind. Soon his stray hands and greedy eyes made his intentions clear to me. The fact that he was my father’s best friend and yet he could molest me in my own home, in my brother’s presence was inconceivable to me. My mind filled with red rage and while I was still trying to process the horrific happenings, my brother grabbed the man’s collar and kicked him out of our house, throwing some punches in between.

That one incident shattered my confidence and broke my self-esteem. My adolescent mind was grappling with the truth that if a man who claimed to be my father’s friend was capable of such appalling behavior then how I would survive in the outside world that was probably filled with more such men.  Isn’t it safer to marry and become a housewife than work in a hostile environment where women are perceived for their physical statistics or considered to be mere eye-candy? I was very confused, angry and depressed.

It was my mother who helped me deal with this incident by assuring me that not all men look upon women as sexual objects. She gave me examples of the men working in her bank who considered her as their peer, men who worked along with her and supported in her journey as a single working mother. I looked at my own brothers and friends who respected women and believed that women should be given equal opportunities in all professional fields.

Slowly my self esteem grew and I looked back on this unpleasant incident as something that happened with an uneducated and unscrupulous man. With my mother’s guidance I understood that I or the absence of father figure in my life was not a reason for what had occurred. Had my mother not discussed with me and instead chose to ignore the matter, then I wouldn’t have gained my confidence back to complete my Engineering degree and mould my moderately successful career in IT.

And though I still come across such men like my father’s “friend” every now and then, I know that raising my voice and fighting back for my dignity will shame them and put them back in their rightful place.

This post was written for HDFC Life Sar Utha Ke Jiyo Happy Hour contest hosted by Indiblogger.

My Journey from OR to AND- #UseYourAnd

Life is full of irony and sometimes God goes out His way to prove that to us.

My mother and I are close. In fact when I was a teenager we were more like friends rather than mother and daughter. I confided in her about my crushes or if I liked a guy in college I could, without any hesitation, talk to my mom about my infatuation. I grew up without my father and I have seen my mom struggling to bring up her 3 children. She had to rebuild her life after the death of my father and from being a mere housewife, she had to venture into an alien world where women went to offices and worked alongside with men and were solo providers for the entire family. I have always been proud of my mom, for her courage to stand tall in any adversity.

Me and my mom.

Isn’t it an irony that my fate and the fate of the woman I am so proud of is poles apart and is as different as day and night. When my dad was alive, my mother was a housewife. When she stepped outside alone it was to buy groceries or for ferrying her children from school to home. Her home, her husband and her children were here world and apart from managing the finances of her house, she was blissfully unaware of other finances. You can imagine her horror when after the death of her husband she had to work in a bank and she had zero knowledge of the banking domain. Not only she had to financially provide for her family but she had to single-handedly educate and raise her children. Definitely a daunting task but she stood tall and though I am sure she would have felt like quitting on more than one occasion, she did not.

Time can be a tough taskmaster, testing one’s perseverance and resolve but my mom did beat Time in its own game. She proved that she can be a housewife AND a mother AND an independent woman who can provide for her own family.  Just because a woman is a housewife, it does not mean that she does not have the capability to venture into the professional world and contribute financially to the running of her family. She proved everyone wrong who assumed that homemakers are just good for making rotis and taking care of the household chores and tutoring their children in the evening. My mother was never there for the Parent-Teacher meetings at my school but she was there for me when I wanted to confide in a friend. If that is not an indication of a successful and dedicated parent, then I don’t know what is!

Source-istockphoto.com

Now let’s shift the focus on to me for a little bit, shall we?

I am a software engineer and after earning a degree in Engineering I worked for more than a decade. I am an independent woman who used to earn a 5 figure salary and financially contributed more than my husband. Yet, I chose to give it up all and opted to remain at home, foregoing my financial independence and my career. Some said that it was a foolish decision, to give up my career when I had a good job and a lucrative paycheck. Why did I sacrifice my career despite the well-meaning advices from concerned relatives? I decided to do it for the sake of my daughter.  IT career takes its toll on the employer’s family life and every time I left my daughter at her daycare I felt that I was missing out on the most important phase of her life. At work, I could not think of anything else but home and my child and when I was at home, I worried about the deadline at work. For a working mother, balancing her professional and personal life is like walking a tightrope and I had a feeling that I was not doing justice to both facets of my life.

There were many who wanted to rub salt on my wounds and commented on my incapability to smoothly run a household. They would snigger at my failed attempts to prepare a decent dish in the kitchen, ignorant of the fact that most of my free time at home was spent at having quality time with my daughter. After all I had precious little time to spend with her. I was frustrated and had no peace of mind. When finally things reached a breaking point, I opted to give up my career and send some time with my family. Of course the break was not temporary and although I am at home I still earn by doing freelancer writing work.

Source- istockphoto.com

I transformed from an independent, career-orientated women to a housewife for her family. I am a homemaker AND a writer AND a software engineer AND a loving mother AND a self-made woman. What I find irksome is that we woman are forced to prove ourselves time and again by a society with double-standards thoughts.

Although our destinies may be different, my mother and I are unconventional women because we chose our own paths irrespective of what society dictated for us. We have the spunk in us to decide what we wanted to be. We refused to be shackled by a particular role defined for us and freed ourselves to find our own individualities.

“This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“.

Family vacations with kids- Teddy Travelogues

Lots of things change in a couple’s life after a child is born, and after Advika came into our lives I have to say that our life has turned topsy-turvy. In a good way though. My husband and I travelled a lot during the initial phase of our marriage and it was usually a spur of the moment trip. Like that weekend when we decided to pack our things and head to Pondicherry. It being a long weekend we had to struggle to get a bus to Pondicherry and fortunately for us we were able to confirm bookings for a day in a resort. Being spontaneous had its own fun during unplanned trips. But after our daughter was born, impromptu trips were out of the question.

Although initially I was a little skeptical about taking Advika along with us on vacations, I confess there were several trips that turned memorable because we had her along with us. For example, when we visited Mysore zoo we did not think we would enjoy the trip, but yet we wanted to go there as it was Advika's first visit to a zoo. She was around a year old and she had just started identifying animals from the pictures in her books. So it was absolute joy to see the amazement in her face when she looked at the giraffe, zebra, deer, tiger and lions. It was one trip that we laughed a lot.

Advika's trip to Chamundi hills in Mysore

The solo traveler 

Honestly she is not a fussy kid but she does not like confined places and gets really cranky when a) she is hungry and b) when she is sleepy but she is not able to nap. But then I guess this is how all kids are. :)

Source- http://www.istockphoto.com/

We have to plan meticulously when we travel with her. I think having a good vacation with your kids all narrows down to planning and able to anticipate what may go wrong. Of course some things are out of our control so don’t fret too much if things don’t go according to your plan. Just flow with the tide and relax and let your kids have fun too.

Source-http://www.istockphoto.com/

We have gone for vacations with my daughter to Mysore, Chikmagalur, Ooty and Goa, which are all places closer to Bangalore. We have travelled along with her in train, bus and car journeys. We always plan our trips such that most of the commuting is done during the night, since she is a sound sleeper and usually sleeps unperturbed. Travelling in an airplane is something that we have never tried with her but there is always the next trip. The important thing to remember is the kid’s comfort.  So here are some tips that come to my mind that could make your vacation with your kids more fun and enjoyable.

When selecting your destination or the places you want to visit, make sure that your kids would enjoy it too. Take them to the zoo or a water park or a water fall or a garden where they have plenty of space to wander about and play. If you want to visit, say, a museum, and you know that your kids may get grumpy and mischievous then leave them with your husband and go alone. :)

Confirm your hotel bookings before leaving. You don’t want to arrive with cranky kids in tow and then learn that your hotel reservations have been cancelled.

Always carry medicines and first aid, keeping in mind the kind of weather of the place you are visiting. Read up about the destination on the internet. Carry medicines for common cold, nausea, stomach upsets, and small injuries. Being prepared is the key here.

Remember to carry little snacks and drinking water wherever you go.  You never know when your kids may feel hungry and you don’t want to run in search for their favorite snack.

Carry board games for older kids or your toddler’s favorite toy. If your kids like to read pack their favorite books. Just something to keep them occupied when there is nothing to do on the vacation.

Get your kid involved in the planning of the vacation. Let him/her help you in packing. Show them photos of the places that you are going to visit on the internet and explain the various activities that you would be doing.

Plan your time such that the kids get ample time to spend in each place you visit. Don’t rush them around and also plan your itinerary so that you get some time to rest indoors too. Remember kids get cranky when they are tired.

If your kid has just begun to walk or is still in the crawling phase then it would be advisable to carry the pram or buggy along. Although it may add to the already overloaded luggage you will be thankful for the pram when you can easily strap the kids in it after they are tired of walking.

If you are visiting a crowded place and there are chances of the kids getting lost in the crowd, a low-cost mobile with the children would come in handy. If the kids do get lost do not panic, request the managers of the place for help.

And finally remember you are on vacation. So relax and do not fret too much about what may go wrong. Let down your hair, laugh a lot and have fun.

Source- http://www.istockphoto.com/

Happy holidays and have a fun vacation with your family.

This post was written for Teddy Travelogues contest hosted by Indiblogger.

My 5 Christmas Gifts For My Daughter

Source: http://www.istockphoto.com

The day I first held my daughter in my arms I made a promise to myself. With the tiny bundle of joy in my hands, with my fingers caressing her delicate features and, with my elated gaze on her confused face that held a ‘where-the-hell-am-I’ expression, I promised that I would never let anything hurt her. I would give her a life that was better than what I had had. After all that’s what most parents wish for their children right? That their children should have a life better than what they themselves had? 

I wished that I could cocoon my baby in a safe world where nothing would hurt her, where nothing would break her heart, where no harsh words would bring tears to her eyes, where she would experience only joy, happiness and success. But alas, that is not possible! Come to think of it, I actually respect the members of the animal and bird kingdom, because they let go off their young ones, after they teach them how to survive in their world. 

I realize now, after much soul searching, that the more I want to protect her, the more I suffocate her. I may be thinking that I’m guarding her from all evil in the world, but to her I would just be stifling her freedom, suppressing her free will. So I have decided that when the time comes to let her go, to let her fly and find her own footing, I’ll be prepared. And as much as that thought makes me want to cry, creating a lump in my throat, I know that it would be the right thing to do. To teach her the difference between right and wrong, to bring her up with the moral ethical values and then trust her decisions in her life. Well, that does sound difficult!

So let me just enjoy my time with her, knowing that there’s still many years to go before she yells at me, saying, ‘Mom, leave me alone!’ or ‘Mom your hugs embarrass me”. Sigh!

Here are 5 things that I would like to gift my daughter this Christmas-

Education: I cannot stress enough on the importance of education. By giving the best possible education to my daughter I’m ensuring that wherever she goes, whatever situation she finds herself in, she’ll be able to take care of herself. And I know 20 years down the line the cost of sending a son or a daughter for an engineering/medical degree may cost an arm and a leg. So the wise thing to do would be to invest now for future. A child education policy that would mature 20 years later and financially help my daughter to realize her dreams is one of the gifts that I would give my daughter.

A love for the written word: I sincerely hope that my daughter imbibes some of my qualities. The way books have been my best friends for years, I hope that my daughter too finds solace in between the pages of books. Books have molded me into a better person, they have helped me understand myself and the world around me. I hope that my daughter too picks up a book and discovers her love for the written word. A love for reading is a gift that I would love to give my daughter.

Source: http://www.istockphoto.com

Freedom to decide: I don’t understand what joy parents get in controlling their children’s life, even after they reach an age when their offspring’s can take decisions for themselves. If my daughter falls in love with a man of a different caste or nationality and they decide to get married, I’ll be Ok with it. The only thing that matters to me is that the man who marries her should be a good, honest man. The freedom to choose, freedom to make her own decisions will be my gift to her.

A sense of humor: Now, I know that this is something that cannot be gifted, it maybe something that a person is born with (Is it really?) but I would like her to see the lighter side of life. When the going gets tough, the tough get laughing. Nothing can diffuse a stressful situation faster than a hearty laugh. So a good sense of humor and a positive attitude in life would be my next gift for my daughter.

Source:http://www.istockphoto.com

A sense of equality: At no point of time in her life, will I ever make my daughter feel that she’s not as strong as the boys or that she requires special protection just because she’s a girl. I will teach her to defend herself so that she need not ask for any man to accompany her for her late night walks. I will teach her it’s normal if a man likes another man or a woman prefers to spend her life with another woman. A person is not to be judged based on their gender, their sexual preference, their race or color. Treat everyone the way you would want the world to treat you. Respect for all and being non-judgmental are the values that I’d like to gift my daughter this Christmas.

Source: http://www.istockphoto.com

I hope and pray that no matter where life takes her and whatever she decides to make out of her life, my daughter grows to be a kind, strong, happy and a contented woman. Amen!

 

This post is a part of the 1001 Gifts Activity by HDFC Life in association with BlogAdda

The Reason For My Grey Hairs!

I'm sure that most mothers would relate to this cartoon strip!

Now you know why I have so many grey hairs on my head!!!

My Daughter's 15th Birthday Present- An Unforgettable WeChat Meeting

*This post contains a lot of words in regional languages so you may want to keep a translator handy*

Date:  29th March

Year: 2027

Place: Bengaluru, India

I opened my PalmPad account as soon as I got up in the morning. My mother kept pestering me that I spent too much time on PalmPad, but I know for a fact that she has an account on Facebook and she checks it at least once a day. Gosh, Facebook is so outdated I don’t even know what my mom uses it for.

Anyway today is my 15th birthday and I am pretty excited to check all the birthday wishes and e-virtual gifts that my friends would have sent. As I opened my inbox, the first mail that I saw was an invite from a person called “The Boy who lived” to connect on WeChat at a place called Hog’s Head Inn.

I was puzzled and curious. Now who was this “The Boy who lived”? And why had he invited me? Wait, there was something below. It was a personal note saying that I was invited to the Tri-Wizards Convention. Now I was really baffled.

I went to my mother to ask if she knew about a “Boy who lived”. But as soon as she sees me she’s onto my case.

Mom: Advika, I know it’s your birthday today, but it doesn’t mean that you can miss your classes. Don’t you need to get ready?

Me: I will mom. Tell me do you know someone called the boy who lived.

Mom: Yes, a little less than 2 decades back we had a very popular fictional character called Harry Potter –There were a series of books and movies made on this character. But why do you want to know?

I just gave her a vague reply and returned back to my room. There were so many questions in my mind. So why was this fictional character Harry Potter inviting me to a convention. Assuming I was the second wizard and Harry the first, then who would be the third wizard at the meeting. I was all consumed by my queries. I decided to join the meeting.

I logged into my WeChat account and connected to the meeting. Now all that was left was to transport myself to Hog’s Head. I purchased some virtual Floo powder and blew it into the meeting with the passcode.  Then I clearly said aloud ‘Hog’s Head’.

I was instantly transported to a dark place that looked scary and ominous. I looked around and sitting on my right was a young guy with spectacles. He had kind of a scar mark on his forehead and he looked quite cute in a nerdy way.

: Hi, are you Harry Potter?

: Yes, do you know about me

: Well, I just know that you are a famous fictional character.

: Umm, then let me introduce myself, I’m a wizard. I went to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I was the “the Chosen One”.

: Oh, what were you chosen for?

: Umm, well I was chosen to fight against the Dark Lord, Voldemort and defeat him and save the world from the dark forces.

: (rolling eyes and suppressing a yawn) Yeah, whatever, so why did you want to meet me?

: Yesterday, Dumbledore, my professor, had a prophetic dream that Voldermort is returning back with enhanced power and we wizards need to combine our forces to fight against the evil forces.

: We, as in me? And You? Are you sure that I’m a wizard?

: Yes, absolutely, Dumbledore can never be wrong. He’s the greatest wizard ever.

: (*wow, this guy has a major fixation on this Dumbledore, wonder what’s the story*)

Ok, so who is the third wizard.

Suddenly there is thundering and lightning and drums beating loudly. Everything goes dark for a minute and then there is bright light everywhere and on my left was a guy who seemed pretty old but quite handsome. Wait, I know this guy. But he can’t be, he was dead years ago. How? What? When?

: Welcome Rajni Sir to the convention of wizards. It’s a pleasure to have you here.

: Yenna rascala, why do you disturb me from my sleep? I was enjoying in heaven with Ramba and Meneka. I’ll have you thrown into Azkaban prison, mind it!

: (Quivering slightly) Sorry sir, but the news is Voldermort is back and we wizards need to join forces to fight against him.

: What wizard ah? I’m no wizard. I’m the father of all wizards, the greatest wizard of all times.

: (with a slight nervous expression) Sir, I disagree, because the greatest wizard is Dumbledore. He’s the most powerful man.

: (in a thundering voice) You fool, who do you think taught sorcery to Dumbledore?

Harry was stupefied for a minute. I took the opportunity to put in my two cents.

: Rajni sir, I have to say you are awesome. I have seen your movies and you are splendid. Your acting capability, your stunts, your dialogues all of them are mind-blowing.

Rajni sir smirks at Harry as if proving a point. Harry quickly regains his composure.

: Ok, so we need some plans to defeat Voldemort. Any ideas? And yeah, there will be random people who will be joining the conference through calls; some eminent personalities who would be able give awfully imperative advice.

 

: Idhu eppdi irukku?(How’s this?). You show me Voldy and I finish him off. Simple isn’t it. Idhu Rajini Style(This is Rajni style).

I can’t help but giggle.

Beep

: Harry I heard a beep, I guess someone has joined our call.

: Who’s it? Can you please identify yourself?

*Silence*

 

: Yenna rascala, speak up or be prepared to die at the hands of Rajni.

: Wait, I guess I know who it is. It must be our ex-PM Manmohan Singh. Only he can attend a convention and not utter a single word.

: Mr. Singh, you have to speak or disconnect. We are in a crisis and we need some serious advice.

: Theek Hai. (Mr. Singh disconnects the call).

No wonder he was called the mute prime minister.

: Harry, is there a way to get Voldy on this meeting, then Rajni sir can finish him off. I have complete confidence in Rajni sir and his abilities.

Rajni sir beams at me.

Beep. And instantly we hear a whiny voice.

 

What’s this meetings? Where is the medias? I want public peoples to know the truths about me. I will call press. I will call police. I wants justice. I will call medias. I am celebrity. All peoples loving me only. I feels people, you know? All peoples kissing me…

Harry flounders for a while before disconnecting the person from the call.

: What…Who was that? I mean…Umm, I mean…

: That must be Raakhi Sawant, the item girl, the hot on-screen sizzler of yesteryears.  How I wish we could have had the Manmohan silence when Rakhi Sawant speaks.

: (Still shaken by the incident) Ok. And to answer your question Voldermort will appear only when he desires. Nobody can force him but yes he’s on a revenge mission so he would want to kill me, I guess.

 

: Rascala, then it’s easy. We just put you out on bait and lure oldy Voldy to come out of his hole. And once he does that then pow, wow he’s dead meat.

 

: (a bit flustered now, I guess he didn’t want to be put out as bait.) Umm, what do you think you are?

 

: Pera kettaale chumma adhirudhulla! (Doesn't everything quake at the mere mention of my name?)

 Beep.

Chake de Patte, oye! You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs. One, who doesn’t throw the dice, can never expect to score a six. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

: Ah, a person who starts off with a Punjabi greeting and then successively makes quotes which does not have any correlation with each other. My guess is that this is Navjot Singh Sidhu.

 

: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Chha gaye guru!

 

 : Stop laughing you buffoon.

 

 

: Rajni, anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. Anyway what are you doing here? Don’t you have anything else to do?

 

 : Naan eppo varuven, epdi varuvennu yarukkum theriyathu. Aana vara vendiya nerathula.( 'No one can tell when or how I'll arrive -- but I always do, when the time is right')

  

By now I’m pulling my hairs out. I had had enough of these men and their dialogues,

: Psst Harry, Harry let’s forget Voldy and this saving the world business and save our ass when we can. Let’s run when we can, like NOW!

: What? And leave the world to the mercy of the Dark Lord? Never. I’m the Chosen One. The whole world looks upon me to save them. I have to protect them from Voldermort.

Beep.

 

: Harry, you scum, you filth, enough of your saving the world business. Come and do the dishes and change the baby’s nappy, how do you think we will pay the bills if you don’t work and earn money. Leave the saving business to other superheroes like Spiderman. Get your ass back out here, you Undesirable No.1

: (wincing) Maybe you are right Advika, it’s best to quit when I’m ahead. Luck only favors you once and I think I had my chance in the last duel against Voldy. Adios, I’m going back to my wife and kids.

I look at Rajni and Sidhu still battling out with their dialogue duel and quickly transport myself back to my home. That was quite a birthday.

P.S: Rajni and Sidhu's dialogues sourced from rediff.com and desitwist.com

*This post is written for WeChat contest at Indiblogger.in*

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