So the last month of the year is here and along with it I complete 2 years of married life*cheers**claps**hugs*. Now, if you are not married you will not appreciate enough the greatness in this achievement and, if you are married I know you are still clapping. Mine was an arranged marriage, but I met Ashok several times before I got married on 11th Dec, 2009. In fact since I got a job in B’lore in October, 09, I got to spend almost 2 months with him and if not for him, I would have been extremely homesick during those 2 months. Well, being the list-lover that I am, I thought that I would make a list of all the things that I did right and the few things that I did wrong in the past year of my marriage.
Clichéd but true, marriage is not a bed of roses. If you are getting married with a happily ever after fairy tale kind of story in mind, then it’s time to wake up. Marriage is not all hunky-dory, there are times when I and my husband are practically at each other’s throat. But yes, there are times when marriage is bliss. There is a person always with you, taking care of you and at the same time who needs your love. I was always a practical person but even I had romantic ideas of going on Euro tour together or spending lazy afternoons in the Goan sun with my partner. But post marriage we keep postponing these trips for some reason or the other. It’s been so long that we took a vacation together, sometimes it’s frustrating when your wishes are not fulfilled. It’s better not to keep a long list of expectations from your partner before marriage. Just accept him/her as he/she is. That’s the best way.
There’s nothing that breaks a marriage faster than ego creeping in between the couples. And in this regard I have a large scope for improvement. I am a very impulsive person and when in a heated argument, I say things that I don’t really mean. Ashok is much better, when in argument he never loses his cool. I say things that I repent later, you know things that hit below the belt. I know, I know this is bad, but believe me I am working on this to improve myself.
Ashok and I are very childish to the core. After an argument, when we are not on speaking terms, Ashok is the first to give up (He’s a very talkative person and cannot remain silent for more than 10 minutes). He usually comes to me, makes faces and, once he even danced in front of me to make me talk with him.
It’s very important to spend time with each other and at the same time to give space to each other. I and Ashok have extremely different personalities. Our tastes, like and dislikes differ so much, for example he likes to watch only Kannada movies where as I prefer going for Hindi movies. So even going to a movie is much debated between us. He has a large circle of friends and whenever he wants to have his guy’s only trip I never stop him. Similarly he never stops me from going out and meeting my friends. Nagging in women and over-possessiveness in men (and sometimes women) can make marriage suffocating.
Now all girls please don’t get jealous, but I have got the perfect husband who cooks and sometimes on rare occasions even cleans the house. Most of the days Ashok comes home and prepares dinner, I am too bushed to even lift a finger at the end of the day. I thank God for about thousand times in a day for giving me a husband who doesn’t think that household chores are only women’s responsibility.
It’s very important to have a very compromising attitude in marriage and this is something I am continuously learning in my marriage. Sometimes it’s better to let go of the matter and agree with your partner, just to have peace. I am a person who always wants things to go my way and, it’s difficult to compromise. But I am learning slowly and hopefully getting better at this whole marriage thing.
So now that I have shared my marriage gyan with all you wonderful people, let me tell you that the above points are definitely not pointers on how to live a happy married life. Hell, not even closeJ. I am writing from my own experiences of my married life.P.S: Below is a snap of Ashok and me in Shimla. This was the last long distance trip that we had.*Ahem* Just dropping a hint if you are reading this, Ashok J