The Great Indian Litterbug

A few weeks back I attended my cousin’s wedding in Bangalore. Although I hate going to weddings where there is an unnecessary need to make small talk with strangers, I couldn’t think of an excuse that would get me out of going to this wedding. During lunch time, after much jostling and elbowing and few minor bruises, I finally found myself at the front of the buffet queue, when an elder lady nudged me aside and took my place. I was about to complain when she gave me a look, a look that clearly said that her age and her girth would be no match for my words. I controlled my anger, after all this was not the first Indian marriage I had been to and I knew how old women played the seniority card to embarrass the younger girls, badgering them with questions about marriage and kids.

As I sat down to eat along with my daughter, I saw people piling up their plates in one corner of the room. Even though it was a buffet, where people had a choice to select only the dishes that they wanted to eat, most of the plates were full with uneaten food. Obviously, the guests believed that it was their right to waste food that the bride’s parents had painstakingly paid for. But what perplexed me more was the complete nonchalance among people. Although there was a huge basket to throw the dirty plates and glasses, people kept piling the food laden plates on the floor. Within a few minutes the dinning hall’s corner turned messy and the same people who had strewn on the floor complained about the filth. Talk about short term memory loss!

But it’s not the first time and definitely not the last time we Indians show a complete disregard to rules and proper conduct. Recently Bangalore Municipal came out with a guideline about segregating dry and wet waste which would help in better waste management. Our apartment, following BBMP rules set up large garbage bins, labeled dry, wet, garden and hazardous waste. There were meetings held, warnings about other apartments being fined for neglecting to follow waste segregation, circulars posted on notice boards on how to separate waste. And the result? Plastics bags strewn around the waste bins, sanitary pads and dirty diapers thrown in the hazardous waste, scraps from kitchen thrown in garden bins. Complete mayhem and disagreement amongst the residents on which waste should go where. Apparently men are intelligent enough to travel to moon and back but they are totally clueless when it comes to litter management.

source-istockphotos.com

We want to etch and leave the symbol of our individualism on everything that we see, that’s why we like to take a leak on walls with notices such as “Urinating here is strictly prohibited”. The lovey-dovey couples cannot romance in public places, lest they are dragged by a gruff policeman and fined for exchanging couple of kisses behind the bushes. So what do they do? They proclaim their love for each other to the whole world by engraving their names inside a heart on historical monuments using stones. Their love may not last forever but their carving will be forever imprinted on history, see? So don’t be too surprised if you see the same name carved with multiple partners on the walls of Red Fort.

source- thehindu.com

“Raju ♥ Sheela” “Raju ♥ Nisha” “Raju ♥ Meena”. Poor Raju! What a hard time he has had with all the etching he was forced to do for his lovers.

We strive hard to keep our house clean and then throw the garbage outside our home. Of course, we don’t own the road, the government does and it’s the government’s job to keep the road clean, isn’t it?

We spit, throw junk out of moving vehicles and if our trash drops on people driving behind us, then tough luck. They should know better! Perhaps along with a helmet the man riding a two-wheeler also needs a full body armor to protect him from the junk being thrown by the vehicles surrounding him.

And although a public toilet is available within ten feet distance we would prefer our children to pee on the roadside. Public toilet? Ugh! They are so unhygienic! And why suffer in a filthy toilet when we can make use of the abundant nature and the greenery of the bushes to make our Chunnu/Munnu take a leak. Anyway once the boy grows up, he would mark the territories of the walls of this great nation with his holy water! So we are just doing our bit in his early education, no?

source- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/

We look down upon the cultures of the western nation but when we visit their countries we look at the clean, spotless roads and wonder why India is so dirty and polluted. Maybe we could take a leaf out of their book and learn to pick up our crap and filth from public roads.

This is OUR country, these are OUR rivers, these are OUR monuments and these are OUR roads. WE have a responsibility of maintaining them and keeping them clean.

 This post was written for "The Great Indian Litterbug" contest by Times Of India hosted by Indiblogger.

Pre-Marital Sex: Right or Wrong

Sex is a taboo topic in India and although ours is the land of Kamasutra and erotic temples of Khajuraho, we still change channels on our television when so much as a passionate hug is shared between a boy and a girl in a movie. Isn’t it an irony then that our forefathers were so progressive and liberal while in the present century of advanced technology and contemporary thoughts, sex is only talked in hushed tones behind closed doors?

There is too much emphasis given on sex, after all it’s just a natural act of coupling. But right from childhood, the act of sex is correlated with righteousness. We are taught to believe that anything related to sex, before one’s marriage, is considered to be wrong. And if you are a girl in Indian society then you have to preserve your virginity, like a precious jewel, until the time you get married to your prince charming. Never mind if your prince charming is an ugly toad, whose number of sexual experiences exceed the combined sum of his and your age. But a bride who does not bleed on her first night? Oh no, she is a slut alright!

Source-

http://talkingbrian.com/

I realize that I am writing bluntly and candidly but enough of dodging and sidestepping on the topic of sex. When a child grows into his/her adolescent years it is but natural for him/her to be curious about the opposite sex and take an interest in finding about what all the fuss is about sex. And when adults try to suppress their curiosity and conceal the truth, their inquisitiveness only increases. They then turn to other modes of information like friends with half-baked knowledge or porn or internet. Instead why not tell them the truth, I know it is not easy as it sounds and things can become awkward. But isn’t it better that your kids get the information from you rather than from improper and unreliable sources?

Too much of importance is given to celibacy before marriage in Indian society. Our society frowns upon a girl who moves around with boys or a girl who has a boyfriend before marriage. Pestering aunties with wagging tongues are quick to criticize a girl who wears western clothes and comes home late in the night. But after marriage the same girl is supposed to share her body with a stranger whom she has barely known for a few months. Isn’t it absurd? All her life her parents and society has drilled the thought in her that strangers are dangerous and now she is supposed to sleep with a stranger? No wonder Indian women are confused and depressed!

Source- http://www.burnabrain.com/

I find nothing wrong with pre-marital sex as long as it involves two consenting adults and safe sex methods are practiced. After all, I think, a boy or a girl above 18 years of age knows what physical relationship is about. And if they don’t, then again this is why sex education is important and the need of this generation. When your son or daughter reaches adolescence it is impossible to restrict them from meeting people and naturally they are attracted to members of opposite sex. But what you can do as responsible parents is, empower them with knowledge and trust them to take a right decision.

Things do turn into mess and chaos when a man and a woman engage in a physical relationship and then maybe their engagement breaks off or their relationship does not culminate in a marriage. But really in this fickle age where nothing stays the same forever, it is but foolish to have pre-marital sex if you are not fully prepared and well aware of the consequences.

Source-http://time4thinkers.com/

Of course our society is slowly progressing in thoughts and quietly accepting single parents or children born out of wedlock. It’s quite common to see couples in live in relationships in cities. But I guess a lot has to change in rural villages where a new bride’s mother-in-law still inspects for blood on the white bed linen used for her son’s first night after his nuptials.

When it comes to pre-marital sex, there is no right or wrong. It is an individual’s decision. As long as the people involved in casual sex are fully aware of what they are getting into, I don’t see why a third person gets a say! What I do think is wrong, is when a man who is regular customer in the red light areas and has been treated multiple times for STDs expects his bride to be a virgin.

The debate on pre-marital sex can be never ending and there is a thin line between what is right and wrong but I completely believe that it’s an individual’s perspective. Prohibiting or forbidding someone from having sex will only lead to aggression and defiance.

I do love reading books centered on strong women who have gone against society’s diktat and in fact I am currently reading the latest book from Preethi Shenoy where the female character has a child out of wedlock. Another promising and interesting book based on a mystical true love story is Poonaam Uppal’s “A Passionaate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story”. The story is based on a lead character Moh Lal Rai, who embarks on a journey to find her ancient lover and her true love and accidentally unlocks the, extinct, cryptic most guarded secret 'Ancient Art of True Love'. Sounds baffling? Do read more about the story here and let me know your opinion on pre-marital sex in the comments section.

This post was written for "Yes or No to Pre-Marital Sex" contest hosted by Indiblogger.

Black Beauty

Whoever said “Black is beautiful” had his/her thoughts in the right place. No other color evokes so many adjectives in my mind. When I look at black the word that comes immediately to my mind is stylish. And then black is also intrigue, cryptic, sleek and sexy. Plus black makes me look thin. Now, I don’t know of any other color that can boast of so many attributes attached to it.

But I guess not everyone is of the opinion that black is beautiful. My adolescent teenage years were spent in squandering quite a fortune in the pursuit of a fairness cream that could magically turn my brown-duskish skin into a pearly white. You know, how they show in those advertisements where the waif like girl promises that the XYZ cream that she is promoting can incredibly turn any “Indian” skin tone to gora-gora complexion. Duh!

Well, it took me more than a decade to get comfortable in my own skin and invent my own witty comebacks to those aunties who never fail to comment on my skin tone at any gathering or functions. My skin will never be “fair and lovely”, but #whattheblack, I am still a successful, strong, contented women who lives her life on her own terms. So all those adverts trying to insinuate that to achieve your dreams you need to be fair or handsome, is utterly crap!

Now, enough of those pestering aunties and let’s get down to the list of 5 drool-worthy things in black that I would absolutely love to own. 

     Little Black Dress- I think it’s mandatory that every girl must possess at least one item in her wardrobe that’s black and is her favorite. I know I have a black top and whenever I have a doubt in my mind on what to wear for an occasion my hand, as if on auto-pilot, picks up this black top. I can pair it with absolutely anything-jeans, skirt, Capris, shorts. And since this top of mine is getting pretty worn out and old, I guess it’s time I got a new dress in Black.

     Black Stilettos- Of course, I couldn’t pair my LBD with flats or sneakers (those are the only ones that I own). So I decided to go all out and buy black stilettos too. And I absolutely love those strappy one’s with little peep toes with lots of wriggling space for my oversized toes. Don’t you love the one’s below? I was practically drooling over my laptop as I saw them. Now only if I could learn to walk in these.

     Black Laptop- Few years back when I was buying a laptop I did a mistake. I went for a red Dell Inspiron. I don’t know what I was thinking back then, but it was a horrible, horrible mistake. Now, every time I take out my laptop I can only ruefully shake my head. So given a chance I would love to own a sleek, black laptop like the one below. Pretty cool, huh?

Black sleek car- If ever I was invited for walking on the red carpet at Cannes, I can picture myself getting out of a sleek, black car, like the Audi below, and waving at my fans elegantly. Everything about a swanky black car shouts sleek, stylish and sexy. Not to mention grace and panache.

    Black shades- I totally love sunglasses. They are perfect when going out for lunch with friends or a shopping spree. Unlike many who love colored frames, I love black ones. It gives an enigmatic, mysterious look to the person wearing it. No one can go wrong with black shades. 

So those are my 5 favorite black things that I would like to own. And next time when anyone gives you grief for wearing black or for being “brown-skinned”, just holler #whattheblack right back at them. :)

This post is a part of #WhatTheBlack activity at BlogAdda.com

WriteTribe Festival of Words Day 2- Some Blog Love

Day 2 Prompt- Blog Love

I started blogging in 2010 but I knew nothing about blogging, apart from the fact that I had to write my words in the Compose section and then click on publish. I was aware that my posts were there somewhere , buried deep under the pile of blogs in the World Wide Web but I was pretty sure that not one single soul actually read what I had written.

Then in 2012 I was introduced to Blogger forums and my blog had sort of a rebirth. I absolutely loved writing for contests and although I never won, my spirits were not dampened. 

It was during this time that I started reading other blogs and one of the blog that I absolutely loved was of Dhanya Venugopal, who is a popular blogger too in blogosphere. This post of Dhanya remains fresh in my mind even today. I remember the first time she commented on my blog, I was ecstatic. I hope that she gets back to blogging soon.

Then, there were other bloggers whose posts were an absolute delight to read because they simply brightened my day but unfortunately they have stopped blogging due to personal reasons. Sujatha Satya from Conversations and Sahana from Ahamkaara are two of the wonderful bloggers who I wish returned to writing.

Nabanita (who needs no introduction in blogosphere) is one blogger whose stories take me to a different world and her love stories are marvelous and heart-warming.  

Another blogger whose posts never fail to bring a smile on my lips is Red Handed. Despite the fact that she blogs anonymously people can still relate to her post and that is the sheer power of her writing.

Seeta Bodke  is a writer who can write on current affairs, social issues, book reviews and fiction with equal élan.  She is one writer whose strength lies in her simple but compelling writing.

A few months back I came across a Photo blog by Deepa Prabhu and I absolutely loved her creative captures and I often hop over to her blog to admire her clicks.

I know there are so many wonderful bloggers out in the blogosphere and although I do read them and appreciate their writing, the bloggers I have mentioned above have influenced me in the virtual world to write better and keep blogging despite my hectic schedule.

Baby Proof

Long back I had read a novel by Emily Giffin titled “Baby Proof”. It was about a woman who wasn’t particularly fond of children and had a pact with her fiancé that neither would want any children after their marriage. But few years down the line her husband has a change of heart and even goes to the extent of breaking his marriage because his wife would not bear him children. The book wasn’t anything great but I was seriously left wondering if there are women who wouldn’t want to have children. 

At that time my daughter, Adi, was 6 months old and she was the ultimate source of joy and happiness in my life. Don’t get me wrong, she is even today. But now that she is just over a year, I can totally relate to a woman if she comes to me and says that she wouldn’t want to have children after marriage.

So what brought about this change in my mindset? My daughter is no tyrant, she is difficult sometimes but which kid isn’t? What I have realized is that to bring up a child one needs to possess plenty of patience, fortitude and tolerance. Believe me, there were days when I hadn’t had a wink of sleep throughout the night and those days I was not a person anyone would want to greet. Of course things have improved, now that Adi sleeps better at nights. But there are days when I want to pull my hair out and just fall on the bed and sleep for eternity. 

Given a choice I wouldn’t want to change my decision to have a baby (BTW my daughter was not planned, it happened, just like that :O ). I love Adi and thank God every single day for sending her to me, for choosing me as her mother. But there are lots of things that I have sacrificed, as I’m sure, most of the mothers would have done too. I don’t get the “me-time” like before when I used to do things that I loved, I don’t get enough of sleep, I don’t get time to work-out. As soon as I come from office, no matter how tired or bushed I am, Adi immediately comes to me and wants me to pick her up and play with her. 

I don’t blame her though, she doesn’t see me all day so naturally she’s all excited to see her mamma, and all I want to do once I’m home is put my feet up, drink a hot cup of tea and watch a sitcom on TV.

So when a lady says that she loves her life too much to have a baby or that she wouldn’t be able to sacrifice her life for the sake of a baby, I understand. 

If you are not ready for a baby you shouldn’t have one. Period. And no one should force you into having one too. Not your husband, not your in-laws, not your mother and definitely not those pesky aunties.

A few days ago I read somewhere that a two year old baby had died after her parents had locked her in a car and went shopping for hours. When they came back, the baby had died out of suffocation.

I shudder to think what kind of irresponsible parents would do that to their own child. 

If you are simply not ready to have a child, or you love your freedom to an extent that you wouldn’t want to sacrifice it at any cost, then don’t have a child. What’s the big deal? Your neighbors would judge you, your in-laws wouldn’t be too happy, your spouse wouldn’t be that thrilled .You would have to go through the major changes in your body that pregnancy brings along. And unless those people who demand that you bear a child are ready to carry the child for 9 months in their womb, ready to suffer morning-sickness and all those pregnancy discomforts, stand tall and don’t give in to the demands.

Bringing up a child is no child’s play and unless you are ready for the drastic changes in your life then you shouldn’t have one. 

Source: All quotes from http://www.prolificliving.com.

It's Never Too Late

The tears flowed down my eyes and wet the pillows. I tried not to make any sound as I sobbed my heart out. I didn’t want to wake up Yatin who was sleeping next to me. My hands and arms hurt badly where Yatin had placed the hot ladle on my skin. But I didn’t dare put on the light and inspect my wounds. Instead I cried into the dark night, the silent sobs racking my frail body. I slept in a fetal position, hugging my knees close to my chest. 

When Yatin had returned home in the evening, I smelt the foul alcohol on his breath. But today he was intoxicated more than usual; he had difficulty walking and when he sat down at the dinner table, he was about to fall off from his chair. I tried supporting him but he pushed me aside and sat down on the chair.

The minute he took the first bite, he threw the food on me and held me by my hair.

‘Bitch, are you trying to kill me? You have put more spice in the food deliberately. You know I can’t consume spicy food. You want to kill me and then enjoy with your other boy friends in my bedroom’ he screamed at me.

I was confused. Yesterday he was in a rage complaining that the food was bland, so I had ensured today that the food had precise amount of spices and salt. But I should have known better. No matter what I did, I couldn’t appease Yatin.

‘No Yatin, here let me taste the food’, I said trying to pacify him.

But the monster in him was beyond control. He took the hot ladle and placed it on my hands and arms. I cried aloud in pain, but he just threw me against the wall and then dragged me into our bedroom and forced himself on me. 

Most nights these events would repeat but today Yatin was angrier than usual. I didn’t know what had irked him or if he was just drunk beyond any sense.

In the morning I woke up to the sound of Yatin getting dressed, he had an early morning meeting. I opened my eyes as Yatin came to my side and kissed me on my forehead. I shrunk away from him but he folded me in his arms. My hand was hurting badly and I winced. 

‘I’m sorry Neeta. I don’t know what comes over me when I’m drunk and plastered. I know I need help. I’ll go in for counseling, I promise you. Please don’t leave me. You are all I have.’ he pleaded.

I just nodded my head. He had already promised a thousand times that he would mend his ways, but he always fell short on his promises.

After he went to office, I got up slowly and washed my bruises and made myself a cup of tea. The doorbell rang frightening me and making me jump. I looked out through the peephole on my door and found Shalini standing outside. Shalini was my childhood friend and she visited me sometimes. She was the only one with whom I could share my woes. My parents were dead and I had no children in whose warmth I could find solace.

Shalini was horrified seeing the bruises on my hands.

‘What happened Neeta?’ she asked worried.

I narrated yesterday’s events leaving out the rape that I had been subjected to from my husband. I couldn’t make myself tell her somehow.

Shalini comforted me and hugged me as I cried my heart out. 

‘Neeta, I have always wanted to ask you. Yours was a love marriage, so you must have known Yatin before marriage. Didn’t you have any inkling before marriage about his anger issues’?

I remembered the time when Yatin and I were dating. We had met through some common friends. Yatin was a businessman who was trying to find a foothold in the market. I was totally mesmerized by his charm and his handsome looks. He pursued me relentlessly until I gave in and accepted his proposal. 

Yatin was a possessive lover and he didn’t like it when I talked to other guys. 6 months after we started seeing each other, I understood the extent of his possessiveness.

We were supposed to watch a movie together and, I had informed Yatin that I would reach the theater directly from work.  Since I was late, I asked one of my male colleagues to drop me since the theater fell on his way home. Unfortunately Yatin who was waiting for me, saw me getting off from my colleague’s bike. When I reached him I had a big smile on my face, but it was instantly wiped off when Yatin slapped me. Right there, in front of the public. 

I felt so insulted that I ran all the way home. Yatin followed me and begged to forgive him. He said he loved me too much to see me with anyone else. He said that he felt insecure in our relationship. He promised that he would never ever lift his hand on me. He said he wanted to marry me because he wanted to take care of me for a lifetime.

I should have known then that Yatin had a problem with his anger. That he needed help. That was the first sign of the calamity that was going to fall on my life. I should have acknowledged it and stayed away from him.

But I thought that he would change, that I could change him. That I would love him to an extent that he would overcome his problem. How stupid I was.

Our marriage was a simple affair. Yatin’s possessiveness grew by manifolds after our marriage. He wanted to keep a tab on everything that I did, everyone that I met, wherever I went. I lost contacts with my friends because none of them were good in Yatin’s eyes. I quit my job because he didn’t like me interacting with other male colleagues.

After a year of marriage, Yatin’s business went on a loss. And his life went on a downslide at breakneck speed. He started drinking and verbally abusing me. I pleaded with him to meet a counselor but he slapped me accusing me that I was implying he had mental issues. Eventually he closed his business and joined a low salary job in his friend’s company.

But he never recovered from the incident as every night he returned home drunk and took out his frustration on me.

Shalini placed her hands on mine as she listened to my story silently.

‘You have should have taken heed when Yatin showed the first signs of mental illness. You should have asked him to take help before marriage. You could have saved yourself from this misery’, Shalini stated with a long sigh.

‘Leave him now before it’s too late. Things have gone from bad to worse and you don’t have to suffer any more. You have a degree; you can easily get a job. And you can stay at my place till you can afford to rent a space. I’ll help you through.’ Shailini comforted me.

I was still skeptical. I had no one except Yatin. But what good would come if I stayed. I would be abused and all my self-respect would be stripped off until my soul and body both were stark naked.

I asked myself if it was really worth it. And suddenly I wanted to break free. I wanted to breathe fresh air, I wanted to start my life all over again. I had to live for myself. I owed that much to myself. I knew it was not too late to do what I should have done long back. I stood up and walked towards a new day shining with new hopes and dreams for me.

This story is written for Colgate Total  contest at Indiblogger.in