Long back I had read a novel by Emily Giffin titled “Baby Proof”.
It was about a woman who wasn’t particularly fond of children and had a pact
with her fiancé that neither would want any children after their marriage. But
few years down the line her husband has a change of heart and even goes to the
extent of breaking his marriage because his wife would not bear him children. The
book wasn’t anything great but I was seriously left wondering if there are
women who wouldn’t want to have children.
At that time my daughter, Adi, was 6 months old and she was the
ultimate source of joy and happiness in my life. Don’t get me wrong, she is
even today. But now that she is just over a year, I can totally relate to a
woman if she comes to me and says that she wouldn’t want to have children after
marriage.
So what brought about this change in my mindset? My daughter is no
tyrant, she is difficult sometimes but which kid isn’t? What I have realized is
that to bring up a child one needs to possess plenty of patience, fortitude and
tolerance. Believe me, there were days when I hadn’t had a wink of sleep throughout
the night and those days I was not a person anyone would want to greet. Of
course things have improved, now that Adi sleeps better at nights. But there
are days when I want to pull my hair out and just fall on the bed and sleep for
eternity.
I don’t blame her though, she doesn’t see me all day so naturally
she’s all excited to see her mamma, and all I want to do once I’m home is put
my feet up, drink a hot cup of tea and watch a sitcom on TV.
So when a lady says that she loves her life too much to have a
baby or that she wouldn’t be able to sacrifice her life for the sake of a baby,
I understand.
If you are not ready for a baby you shouldn’t have one. Period.
And no one should force you into having one too. Not your husband, not your
in-laws, not your mother and definitely not those pesky aunties.
A few days ago I read somewhere that a two year old baby had died
after her parents had locked her in a car and went shopping for hours. When
they came back, the baby had died out of suffocation.
I shudder to think what kind of irresponsible parents would
do that to their own child.
If you are simply not ready to have a child, or you love your
freedom to an extent that you wouldn’t want to sacrifice it at any cost, then
don’t have a child. What’s the big deal? Your neighbors would judge you, your
in-laws wouldn’t be too happy, your spouse wouldn’t be that thrilled .You would
have to go through the major changes in your body that pregnancy brings along.
And unless those people who demand that you bear a child are ready to carry the
child for 9 months in their womb, ready to suffer morning-sickness and all
those pregnancy discomforts, stand tall and don’t give in to the demands.
Bringing up a child is no child’s play and unless you are ready
for the drastic changes in your life then you shouldn’t have one.
Source: All quotes from http://www.prolificliving.com.
A child is a big of joy but along with the baby comes a host of problems and if a lady is unable to handle them, its better to remain childless.Good post.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kalpana and I agree with you completely :)
DeleteOne of the best realistic and practical posts I've read oflate. I'm recently married, and the thought of having children freaks me out. I love my life and my husband way too much to include someone else into it and disrupt the smooth slow.
ReplyDeleteMaybe some years down the lane, I might change my mind. But for now children are a strict NO.
I'm glad there is someone else out there who can understand this. Thanks for that!
Exactly, unless a woman is mentally and physically prepared for motherhood I think it's better to not take a plunge and have a baby just because everyone else thinks that you should have one.
Deletei agree with you. I think every woman is deep down a mother even before she has a child.
ReplyDeletei've seen many families where children are considered just a part and parcel of life and that's why they have them. No planning or anything. No envisioning of the future of any sort. once they have their hands full, they don't know what to do with them. many parents start blaming their children for their sacrifices etc.
there is no shame in being childless. i think people just want to keep growing thier bloodline or ensure that they have someone to take care of them in old age. i dont know..
but i for one, won't have kids if i can take care of them and give them the best in the world.
Lovely post. Thanks for making my afternoon.
Thanks for reading Prachie, and that growing the bloodline theory is absolute BS you know, what if your son/daughter does not take care of you in old age. There's no guarantee of that now a days.
DeleteFirst they(those pesky intruding aunties I mean) say you need to marry because otherwise you'll grow old alone and then they say you need to have kids so that you have someone to take care of you in old age. :-)
God, it's said, created mothers as He couldn't be everywhere. So, I get puzzled knowing that there are women who don't want children. It's against God's creation.
ReplyDeleteNice read.
Arumugam Sir, women these days are busy in making a professional success out of their lives. They give precedence to their professional lives before starting their family(if at all) and I think they are justified. It's better to not have a kid than to have a kid and completely neglect it and spoil the life of an innocent child. Don't you think?
DeleteGreat points, Prasanna... Thanks for pointing these out... Bachelors like us will be much more in tune with our wives' pains when we have children... Hopefully we'll make good husbands who will share household work with them...
ReplyDeleteThanks Vishal, It's heartening to see that men like you believe in gender equality in a marriage. Best of luck for your future life. :)
DeleteVery Nice Post. . .
ReplyDeleteIndian families atleast most of them are blessed in a way to have grandparents around for the kids... or atleast we can hire help from outside..but when you are living outside I really don't know how people manage..
ReplyDeleteNice post Prasanna.. a different aspect of motherhood...
Exactly, a baby should never be an accident. Something unplanned. Not something that u were forced into coz your parents or grandparents are telling u repeatedly about their life span.
ReplyDeleteLoved this!
U shud read Daniel Steel's "Mixed Blessings"
ReplyDeleteOh you just spoke loud the undercurrents of my distraught mind! This is so true and yes, it might sound absurd for most, but i think bringing forth a new life should be done with utmost readiness and commitment, and not out of duty.
ReplyDeleteGreat to be back here after long, Prasanna. :)