Sex is a taboo topic in India and although ours is the land of Kamasutra and erotic temples of Khajuraho, we still change channels on our television when so much as a passionate hug is shared between a boy and a girl in a movie. Isn’t it an irony then that our forefathers were so progressive and liberal while in the present century of advanced technology and contemporary thoughts, sex is only talked in hushed tones behind closed doors?
There is too much emphasis given on sex, after all it’s just a natural act of coupling. But right from childhood, the act of sex is correlated with righteousness. We are taught to believe that anything related to sex, before one’s marriage, is considered to be wrong. And if you are a girl in Indian society then you have to preserve your virginity, like a precious jewel, until the time you get married to your prince charming. Never mind if your prince charming is an ugly toad, whose number of sexual experiences exceed the combined sum of his and your age. But a bride who does not bleed on her first night? Oh no, she is a slut alright!
I realize that I am writing bluntly and candidly but enough of dodging and sidestepping on the topic of sex. When a child grows into his/her adolescent years it is but natural for him/her to be curious about the opposite sex and take an interest in finding about what all the fuss is about sex. And when adults try to suppress their curiosity and conceal the truth, their inquisitiveness only increases. They then turn to other modes of information like friends with half-baked knowledge or porn or internet. Instead why not tell them the truth, I know it is not easy as it sounds and things can become awkward. But isn’t it better that your kids get the information from you rather than from improper and unreliable sources?
Too much of importance is given to celibacy before marriage in Indian society. Our society frowns upon a girl who moves around with boys or a girl who has a boyfriend before marriage. Pestering aunties with wagging tongues are quick to criticize a girl who wears western clothes and comes home late in the night. But after marriage the same girl is supposed to share her body with a stranger whom she has barely known for a few months. Isn’t it absurd? All her life her parents and society has drilled the thought in her that strangers are dangerous and now she is supposed to sleep with a stranger? No wonder Indian women are confused and depressed!
I find nothing wrong with pre-marital sex as long as it involves two consenting adults and safe sex methods are practiced. After all, I think, a boy or a girl above 18 years of age knows what physical relationship is about. And if they don’t, then again this is why sex education is important and the need of this generation. When your son or daughter reaches adolescence it is impossible to restrict them from meeting people and naturally they are attracted to members of opposite sex. But what you can do as responsible parents is, empower them with knowledge and trust them to take a right decision.
Things do turn into mess and chaos when a man and a woman engage in a physical relationship and then maybe their engagement breaks off or their relationship does not culminate in a marriage. But really in this fickle age where nothing stays the same forever, it is but foolish to have pre-marital sex if you are not fully prepared and well aware of the consequences.
Of course our society is slowly progressing in thoughts and quietly accepting single parents or children born out of wedlock. It’s quite common to see couples in live in relationships in cities. But I guess a lot has to change in rural villages where a new bride’s mother-in-law still inspects for blood on the white bed linen used for her son’s first night after his nuptials.
When it comes to pre-marital sex, there is no right or wrong. It is an individual’s decision. As long as the people involved in casual sex are fully aware of what they are getting into, I don’t see why a third person gets a say! What I do think is wrong, is when a man who is regular customer in the red light areas and has been treated multiple times for STDs expects his bride to be a virgin.
The debate on pre-marital sex can be never ending and there is a thin line between what is right and wrong but I completely believe that it’s an individual’s perspective. Prohibiting or forbidding someone from having sex will only lead to aggression and defiance.
I do love reading books centered on strong women who have gone against society’s diktat and in fact I am currently reading the latest book from Preethi Shenoy where the female character has a child out of wedlock. Another promising and interesting book based on a mystical true love story is Poonaam Uppal’s “A Passionaate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story”. The story is based on a lead character Moh Lal Rai, who embarks on a journey to find her ancient lover and her true love and accidentally unlocks the, extinct, cryptic most guarded secret 'Ancient Art of True Love'. Sounds baffling? Do read more about the story here and let me know your opinion on pre-marital sex in the comments section.