Wednesday, September 21, 2011

How many times have you been proposed?

No no, I don’t mean proposals where the guy gets down on one of his knees, looks romantically into the girls eyes, opens a small box, inside which resides a beautiful solitaire and says dreamily ‘Will you marry me?’. That happens only in movies, right? I am talking of the before marriage, girl meets guy, guy likes girl, guy’s parents agrees and sends proposal types? Boring? Not after you see ‘Vivaah’ where Sooraj Barjatiya makes even arranged marriages look enchanting and romantic. Maybe they are!

Anyway getting back to my story, I have been through these “arranged meetings” an awful number of times before settling down with my husband. These meetings can be very agonizing and traumatic because you are supposed to decide if the guy in front of you is the ONE. You know the one with whom you want to have janam-janam ka rishta and all. I have had a few horrendous such situations and I give an involuntary shudder when I think about them.

The worst types are the ones that scan through their eyes in the first glance and you feel as if you have come in nude to meet the guy. If you encounter such types run, run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. Off course I don’t have to tell that, most girls would sprint for their lives.

Then there was this guy, who was decent and Ok to look (except that he had a moustache, I hate moustaches). But he was earning around 16k in Bangalore and not very ambitious in life. I was earning more than 30k in my hometown Mangalore, and I was ambitious and wanted to earn well. Since I had some sense of practicality left in me, I thought this could be a potential problem. When I said this to my family, they dint understand and most of my relatives thought that I was arrogant because I earned well at very young age. I cared two hoots and stood my ground. Finally the proposal got cancelled and I gave a sigh of relief.

After that my mom came to me with another proposal from an Ayurvedic doctor and all though I was specific that I wanted to marry an Engineer ONLY, I still went with her to this meeting. We met at a common relatives place. And the strange thing was, this guy had a kind of nervous twitch on his face which made him look like an axe murderer from a bad Hollywood horror movie. Needless to say mom and I scuttled out of the door before he could even say Marriage. I wouldn’t have been so bitter about this guy if he hadn’t called us up a week later and upon learning that we had rejected his proposal, started abusing and insulting over the phone. Well anyway, lesson learnt- never go anywhere near a guy with a twitch.

So in arranged marriages what is it that we girls look out for in a potential groom? Well that’s easy to answer-Stability/reliability, guy should be responsible enough, should be professionally settled in his job, should be understanding and caring, should be patient and loving, SHOULD NOT BE A MOMMA’S BOY, should not be a MCP, should have a sense of humor(must for me).He should be a gentleman. I mean if he insists that you go dutch on the first date, make an excuse to go to the restroom and head for the exit. Save yourself :)… I am liberal and don’t mind footing the bill in subsequent lunches/dinner, but first dates are supposed to be romantic and to be cherished forever. Well, the “MUST HAVE IN POTENTIAL HUSBAND” list goes on.

But what I would like to know is, what do guys look for when they meet a girl for marriage? Apart from the physical attributes I mean :) I asked my husband and I got a vague answer. Something about the girl being able to adjust to his family and should be independent and so on. Do let me know your views in this matter.

I am throwing in this favorite video of mine; wish everyone had a bro like the one in the ad :)


  1. You have chosen the right title- it induces interest. Through your narration, you keep the interest alive till the end. Very good post.

  2. haha..Oh yes! this is d worst part about arranged marriages..i m slowly coming into that 'marriageable age' bracket and i really do shudder at the thot of what future holds for me..Maybe I ll let my mamma take d lead :)
    the video was awesome..and i loveddd the post :D


  3. Thank you Hari ji. Coming from you, it's a great compliment :)

  4. @subtlescribbler: Thanks, letting your mother do the first round of selection/elimination is a good option :)

  5. that twitch incident made me laugh :)

    you didn't tell us how you finally met your husband? was it arranged or love? is that for a new post? i am sure it deserves a separate post :))

  6. Yes 'How I met my Husband' is definitely a separate post :)

  7. this is really nice.. nowadays the senses comes from heart... as a human being i felt abt marriage life..nice article.. please continue to write like that...

  8. Nice post ma'am.. :) Let me try to answer the question you asked at the end.. what do guy's look for in a potential 'jeevan saati' type. I don't think I can put it in general as every person will have their own views.. This is my opinion and perhaps of some of my friends too..

    A simple gal with good sense of humor, who doesn't nag too much and is responsible enough to be in a family. Also, who knows to cook (when I say this, I don't mean she should be a master chef!) and knows household work. (I am not saying that she should take care of every household work alone but at-least should know and should be willing to do when it matters). Should respect parents and willing to settle with them at-least when they need us the most... I think these are main things.. And then the list goes but they are not a must..

  9. @Sunil: Very aptly put and I am happy that you have found the girl of your dreams :) Lucky you!