The dynamics
of a relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is very
delicate and fragile. It needs to be handled carefully especially during the
first few months after the marriage. This is the time when the grounds for the
relationship between a MIL and DIL are laid down and established.
Like most girls when I got married, I had my own nightmares regarding my MIL. But to my surprise and my delight, my mother-in-law turned out to be different from my expectations. She lives by the principle-Live and Let Live. And although we are as different as chalk and cheese, we have been living quite amicably under one roof for the past year. Touchwood.
For the entire post, you can read my blog entry at Indusladies here.
Like most girls when I got married, I had my own nightmares regarding my MIL. But to my surprise and my delight, my mother-in-law turned out to be different from my expectations. She lives by the principle-Live and Let Live. And although we are as different as chalk and cheese, we have been living quite amicably under one roof for the past year. Touchwood.
For the entire post, you can read my blog entry at Indusladies here.
Well said. In my personal opinion, a relationship between an MIL and DIL is just like any other - except it gets forged much later in life when we have expectations from people, we have dreams and hopes and priorities, we have opinions and such, as compared to relationships with family members which form much earlier in life, when we aren't really that judgemental. The MIL-DIL, or for that matter FIL-DIL or husband-wife, or any relationship - even between friends, needs the same amount of work. Relationships need careful nurturing and understanding too. Why does a DIL/MIL expect the other to live by their rules or understand everything that they do? Sometimes don't we argue even with our parents? or our siblings? In that case, we are talking about a generation gap plus our individual thoughts causing the disconnect. But when we talk about 2 families, we have upbringing, culture and traditions to factor in too. If there are 2 people who can think - there are bound to be a few differences in opinion, which should be accepted not frowned upon. A good thumb of rule would be to not force our opinions on the other all the time, whatever be the relation. I hate to see folks enter the sanctity of marriage with an opinionated mind that their MIL is going to be a bitch or that the DIL is going to come and take over the house! Better not to get married or your son married with that kind of presumption. Why not keep an open mind to start with atleast?
ReplyDeleteI agree Deepa, I feel that from ages, the relationship between MIL and DIL has been likened to be that between a snake and mongoose and most of us have prejudiced idea even before we get married. But in reality this relationship is mostly exaggerated. As you rightly put it, it's a relationship just like others. When two people live under the same roof for years, there will definitely be a difference of opinion or some friction. But when it's between a MIL and DIL it gets blown to a large extent.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment and the idea for this post came after I read some comments written in Indusladies forum about their nagging MIL and I realized that I have an angel for my MIl :)
I think a lot of the MIL-DIL issues are to do with the DIL moving into the other house - and each house has its own customs and mores of behavior. Adjustments become necessary and the DIL being the newcomer is expected to make all of them :) Clashes generally tend to be inevitable - as can indeed happen between a couple of room-mates in a hostel - but gets colored by the perceptions about MILs.
ReplyDeleteI feel the relationship between a MIL - DIL has been completely distorted by a lot of TV soap operas too. The younger generation grows up watching them and form wrong perceptions.
ReplyDeleteNow that the mystery has been cleared i guess i would go ahead and get married ;) Jokes apart i loved the account Prasanna. You are lucky indeed to be blessed with a loving MIL. There has been isolated issues in my family, regarding the incompatibility between the MIL and DIL. They say, its better to stay separately than living under one roof. But i guess, these days, parents arenot that stringent with the modes of living of their children i feel. The problem is being assuaged a lot these days due to mutual understanding and acceptance.
ReplyDeleteYou are lucky to get a MIL like this.... a very thoughtful post..!!!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree.....I share a similar relationship with my MIL though we are totally dissimilar so can completely relate to this.
ReplyDelete@ Suresh: Yes, clashes seems unavoidable between DIL and MIL, but it can be minimized if both of them do not expect the other to change :)
ReplyDelete@Vyas: I agree with you, thanks for reading and commenting :)
@ Maliny: Yes, I would like to believe that the problem is less these days, but when I read some accounts of DIL in Indusladies forum, I'm really shocked and speechless.
ReplyDelete@Anupam: Thanks, indeed I'm blessed to have a MIL like mine :)
@Sowmya, thanks, we are lucky to have an understanding MIL :)
ReplyDeleteIf its an arranged marriage, the DIL is the choice of the MIL after (maybe) so many rejections. The DIL should feel privileged to be the chosen one. The MIL on the other hand has chosen a girl from another house to welcome her into her household. Both need each other and should not act as boxers in the arena. Well times have changed and the relationships has undergone changes and now both are cordial to each other.
ReplyDelete