Heartprints

                                             

Susan was sweating profusely despite lying in an air-conditioned room. It did not help that she was in an unknown place, surrounded by people she didn’t know, speaking a language she didn’t understand. As another contraction hit her, she screamed out in pain ‘Mama!’ Her mother ran to her side and grasped her trembling hand.

‘Mama, I can’t bear the pain any more. Please get the baby out. Please’

‘Su, I just spoke to the doctor. It’ll be over in few minutes but until then you have to tolerate the pain darling.’

As the contraction subsided, Susan gulped in air as if the baby had been suffocating her. ‘Mama you have given the nurse instructions, right?’

‘Yeah, but are you sure that you don’t want to see the baby’s face? You can’t hate it so much, can you?’ Her mama asked her but Susan turned her head the other way. The tears rolled into the pillow making a wet patch.

No, she didn’t hate the baby, not yet. But she was worried that once she saw the baby’s face, she wouldn’t feel love for it. She’d feel revulsion, she would feel anger and she would be reminded of the horror of that night all over again. When she looked into the baby’s eyes, she would remember those demonic eyes on top of her, lids half-closed in ecstasy as she struggled to escape. This baby wasn’t borne out of love, rather it was the aftermath of a violent rape.  Of course she could have got it aborted but her orthodox Christian values made her believe that she would be committing a sin in doing so. She had decided to give birth to the baby and then put it up for adoption.

As another contraction racked her body in pain, all thoughts were driven away from her mind. She just wanted this ordeal to be over.

Susan opened her eyes groggily. A tiny bundle had been placed beside her and she could see a pair of small legs that were kicking steadily at her sides. Susan opened her eyes wide and she was about to call for the nurse when her eyes connected with the baby’s eyes. The baby was looking at her and the small puckered mouth was making gentle crooning noises as if to placate its mother. For a baby that was just born, it was surprisingly cheery and joyous.

Looking at the baby, Susan was not reminded of that terrible night. Neither did she go through the unspeakable agony that she had experienced in the last nine months. She could only wonder at the way her heart was suffused with an intense love and desire to pick up the baby and shower it with kisses. God works in miraculous ways and if He gives us pain, He also gives us a way to build courage and determination to overcome the pain. The baby was the miracle in Susan’s life, the balm that healed her wound. At last she had understood that.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

                                             (By E.E. Cummings)

This post was written for Write Tribe Problogger Challenge.

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